[ Laughter, ], hey everyone and welcome to the jobcast. Today we are talking about imposter syndrome, something that impacts more people than you may realize. In fact, just in planning today's presentation i've.
Had a number of colleagues confess that it's, something that they struggle with. So i'm excited to dig into some tips for overcoming it today. So i'm excited to introduce our guest speaker today, claire wasserman, who is back by popular demand.
She is named one of entrepreneur magazine's 100, most powerful women and what is the founder of ladies get paid a platform that champions the professional and financial advancement of women. Their community of 70 000 women worldwide myself included support one another through sharing advice, resources, job opportunities and more and that's.
Me brandi warwicks. I'm on indeed's. Job seeker experience team. We're responsible for creating helpful resources, and events like this jobcast for our users, like you, take it away, claire thanks, so much brandi hi, everybody uh, guess how many of you registered 26 000, which is, is great on one hand right.
I'm glad to know that you know. Imposter syndrome is a topic that is interesting to you. On the other hand, that is incredibly depressing. That means we are all suffering from negative self-talk right.
Thinking that we are, you know, i'm, not going to get into the definition yet because we have a slide coming up. Um. Okay, so overview of today is understanding. What imposter syndrome is um but sort of beyond the kind of one-liner definition? Really digging into the different symptoms uh, because the really only the way that we can approach this stuff is, if one by one, we deeply understand what's going on here, and then we get objective because it's.
Not just let's be confident right. I think we need some more tangible tools than that, which is why the next part is: how do you actually combat it, uh from both a proactive standpoint and also when you're in the moment, because they're going to be In the moment of that negative self-talk, so what do you do then? And then the last part here is advocating for yourself, because again feeling good is just the first step all right.
What are you going to do with feeling good? How are you gonna use? It to move forward in your career uh. We could probably do an all-day session on this, but you know you've got live so we're gonna keep this to an hour all right.
Let's dig into this um. It's. Gon na be a little bit of a therapy session. Here i want to just tell you. I am not licensed, do not hold me responsible for any of this um, but i have seen thousands and thousands of women, and i think i have a pretty good sense of what a lot of us are going through and not just women.
I want to be clear about that: okay, imposter syndrome. It is the belief that you are not as good as you have presented yourself to be and that people will find out. Let's. Just put the word good to the side.
You can really use whatever word you want. Is it smart? Is it competent um? I've, actually had people in in my life that i've career coached, who were concerned that, if they negotiated really high salaries that they were then setting this expectation that they were going to come in and be even more amazing Than they actually felt that they were going to be right - and i was like you - should definitely still negotiate um here's.
The thing i want to draw attention to this slide uh this image for a second um. It says a lot all these people really seem to have it together, and i still have no idea what's going on okay, let's! Look at this cartoon! What what do you find here that's funny because otherwise it's kind of depressing right? What's funny? Is that all of these people have the exact same thought bubble something i'm curious about and we're gonna go over the the various uh symptoms of uh imposter syndrome, but how many of you have felt like you were The only ones experiencing this right can feel kind of isolating um, especially if you're doubting yourself.
That means you probably don & # 39. T want to be asking other people hey. Do you feel this way too right? Because that's going to be quote, exposing you um, but please do remember both this cartoon and take my word for it.
You are definitely not alone, um, okay, so let's. Talk about the symptoms, real quick and i wish we were in person, because then i'd. Have you raise your hand, although you might have the function to raise your hand either way? I'm gonna pretend you're doing it.
So let's. Have this virtual hand raising down play your achievements? Is that something you've ever done, and i'm talking about things like claire. You did a great job and then my response immediately is the team.
It was really a team effort or you know it. Wasn't a big deal or i mean fill in the blank eyes. How many times have you said this right? Even just saying it was luck taking yourself out of it and that's, of course, discounting praise.
Also. I'm, going to throw another question to you. Uh has anybody ever complimented what you're wearing and your response is? Oh, i got it on sale. Oh this old thing. Why are we not sitting with this praise? I mean what is so difficult about just smiling and saying thanks.
I do look fabulous or thanks. I did do a great job. Doesn't matter if it was easy for you, doesn't matter. If it was a team effort or if you were lucky, you still did the thing. So i want you to take credit.
But what's, stopping you that's, the imposter syndrome, um the next one here is crumbling when you receive negative feedback. One thing i want to mention here is: how often do you think that it's, negative feedback? It's critical feedback, but in fact it's, just feedback right, or we make an assumption that somebody doesn't like our work or is mad at us, and it has actually nothing to do with us and everything To do with them, but you still crumble.
Another example: let's say i'm, going to keep using myself this workshop that i'm doing right now, let's, say it's! Amazing! Okay, it is amazing, and everything goes really well, and then i have a grammar error on one of my slides, because this is a true story, and in the past it didn't matter that this was amazing.
It didn't even matter if you learned right. All that mattered to me was that there was this one grammar error on my slide, so it really is like you just negate everything that came before it raise your hand.
Okay, dwell on mistakes. You're in your head, keep replaying it! People, please um right! If you don & # 39, t want to be found out that you're, not as good smart as competent as you are. You're, going to go overboard and i should have put that here overworking over committing um fear taking risks right.
If you're worried that you're, going to quote, be found out that you're. Not as good, smart or competent, why would you take risks and the issue if you don't take risks? Is you're not going to grow? We're going to get to that in another slide.
Striving for perfection right, the imposter syndrome and perfectionism, i think they're. Almost the same thing, i kind of imagined them as the same coin and two different sides. I teach a whole class in perfectionism, so go tell brandy to hire me again.
Um. Obviously the immense pressure to prove yourself and then the last thing here, which is really kind of you know all of this bundled into one thing, is your accomplishments. You view your wins, your output as the basis of your identity as the basis of your self-worth.
So let's say this slide. You know things. Don't go well today. Okay, they will. I should stop jinxing myself and previously i would have walked out of something like this and i would say, not only did i do a bad job, but i shouldn't teach anymore.
I shouldn & # 39. T teach you more. Do you see how i just jumped from this one experience? I had a small mistake within that one experience, and then i extrapolated it to a place, a really dark over-generalized place.
Okay, we're going to get past this really depressing stuff. I have one more slide that is still going to be in a bit of the negative space stick with me, because we will get positive in a minute. You're in good company right, like i said before, uh about lots of other people feeling this way.
Also, i'd love you to google uh, not right now, but afterwards, google imposter syndrome and celebrity okay, because you're gonna see a list of people who have publicly said that they feel impostor syndrome.
You would not believe these women and men all right. We've got justice. Sonia sotomayor excuse my pronunciation, that's, embarrassing um. We have maya angelou on there. She's. Got this great quote about how i've written over 11 books and i keep waiting for them to like realize that i've like run game or something so the reason i want to bring that up is you know a.
I hope it makes you realize that you're, not alone, but b, that just because you become really successful, doesn't necessarily mean you. Don't still feel the imposter syndrome, because if you're listening to me right now - and you say well once i have more success in my life, i will no longer feel this.
If you don't do the internal work, which i know you know because you're here today. If you don't, do the deep internal work. That chasm is only going to get larger because the more you do, if you still feel inside that you are going to be found out in a way the stakes are larger right.
This is why you're here. This is going to be ongoing. Work uh you don't snap, your fingers and it goes away um, but i'm going to give you tools last depressing slide. I promise there are serious consequences to imposter syndrome again.
I know that you know that this is important to take care of, because you were here, but i want you to realize that it's. You know not just about not feeling good. It may really be standing in your way in big ways right.
So you know anxiety and depression. Okay, we don't feel good about ourselves, so that's, one, the missed opportunities part that's, the one that i'm really concerned about, for you all um. How many times have you not raised your hand for something? Because you had that self-doubt? That self-negative talk um, for example, in a meeting they're gonna think my idea is stupid or they're gonna think i'm stupid right, extrapolating it to your identity, um.
I have an idea for a business and then you immediately think. Well, i'm, not an expert in it. Yet not an expert, yet uh burnout here's, the thing and this kind of goes along with the waste of energy. If you are spending so much time in your head, spiraling, you are spending precious energy that you are not getting back.
Okay, you've got 24 units of energy in a day. Let's. Just say that, and now you're, going to spend a quarter of them on the negative self-talk. Imagine what you could do with that energy. First of all, you could give it to yourself and feel better.
I think there's. There's, just an infinite uh. There are infinite ways that you can contribute to this world and i'm concerned that you're, keeping a lot of them to yourself because you're stuck in that spiral of.
I have imposter syndrome um. Okay. Now we're. Getting to the good part. Is everybody ready all right, uh first step here is validate it. Never ever tell yourself that you are crazy. Please do not use that word for anybody else.
This is something i call kind of the judging the judgment where you already have this feeling of imposter syndrome, and then you hear yourself going oh claire, that's, not it's in your head. It's, not reality.
Right and then you start to have this like inner dialogue, about whether you do or do not have imposter syndrome just accept. This is how you're feeling. This is where you're at right. Um also just want to be clear here.
Uh i'm gonna blame society. I'm, not going to blame. You never blame yours well. Take responsibility for yourself, but don't blame yourself because that's kind of the judging um of the the judgment of the judging right uh.
We're, largely socialized as a society to do work. We! What in america right, we live to work uh rather than work to live right. So if we put so much emphasis on our output of the things that we do, that's when you start to measure your success and measure your self-worth and measure.
Your identity, in terms of work things, do not go well, things do not go well. This is life. I really need that to not trigger the imposter syndrome, for you so really kind of separate here's. This thing i'm experiencing and it's objective.
I'm going to deal with it, but i'm, also going to protect, who i deeply am right at that core level. So talking about making things objective right, this is the getting out of your head. Getting some perspective, treat yourself like a social experiment, a little social experiment here i would love you to track for the next two weeks.
Um, when doesn't boxer syndrome come up for you and if it doesn & # 39, t fabulous, keep going do a third week um when you track it. I want you to write down every single detail about it. Where were you what happened? Who was there? The reason i want you to do? This is again first the act of sort of getting something out of your head, putting it down on paper that's, that's, a good practice um.
Also, there's, studies that have shown that even you know, keeping diaries journals. Writing things down releases a lot of that negativity by the fact that you've, even just written it down. The reason that i really enjoy this exercise is because you probably will discover patterns.
This is the social experiment, part of it look at yourself in a way of. Why is this happening and is there first anything i can do to adjust the situation before i'm gonna say it's. All you because i've worked with women and men as well.
Who have said to me wow in doing this exercise, i realized i was actually in a really bad environment um i was in uh. I worked at a company that really celebrated you know competitive culture and that there were these people.
I worked with. That made me feel less than, and so she still had imposter syndrome, but she then realized that a way to remedy it was let's find another place. I can work because you know life is hard enough.
Let's, not make it any harder, so that's, something i really recommend. Now after you've done that i think we can start to plan for a little bit. So when you know that you tend to have this imposter syndrome, when you are, i don't know in a performance setting right where you have to give a presentation um or you don't know when it's.
Going to happen, but you know it's, probably going to happen. What is the plan? Okay, so this is what has helped me and by the way, i am my own test case. You can trust me because i have suffered from imposter syndrome.
Many a time in my life still working on it and uh. This has helped me. So i'm, a very visual person. I uh. Okay, you don't have to do this, but i have a little crystal little crystals. I got a crystal heart and uh, i hold the thing.
I have it on my desk, but i hold it whenever i'm starting to feel that that damn negative self-talk, the don't take risks. Claire i go and i hold that that crystal, and it just reminds me that i am doing the work.
Um mantra same thing for mantra. I'm, not sure if i can say this brandy, but i'm, going to go ahead and say it anyway, making her nervous here um, i wrote a book this past year. I had never written a book before so clearly, i had imposters with drug and i had a really difficult time writing it was almost like.
I expected the sentences to like come out perfectly and when they didn't, i felt like an imposter something that really helped me, and this was kind of a visual mantra. I got a post-it note and i said, write like crap right, like crap and then first of all, it made me laugh.
Second of all, it reminded me that this was in my head and that the magic comes from the editing right. The magic is in the process of figuring things out in our career, okay, and the only way you can do that is, if you just get it out um.
The other mantra that i have um is when things don't go the way that i hoped that they would go and something i say to myself is: i did the best that i could with the information, the resources and the experience that i Had at that time, this is where that expression right hindsight is 2020, something i think we don't give ourselves enough credit for is you only have a certain amount of life experiences you've, never maybe seen the scenario before so When you're feeling like an imposter like my book, i hadn't done it before so i could only do the best that i could do based on the life experiences i had before then so.
This is where i want you to cut yourself a little bit of slack, that's me that's me. I would love you to go, find a picture of you, although if you would like to take a screenshot of me, that's, fine, but also a bit weird um, the part.
The point i'm gonna make with this is finding a photograph of you as a kid, probably a ridiculous cute picture right here. Like look at my outfit, that's. You know that's, awkward um! Whenever i have the negative self-talk, whenever i'm feeling that imposter syndrome i go, and i look at that picture - and i force myself to say the words that i've, been saying to myself.
I say it to her. You better believe i stopped saying them right, because you probably wouldn't talk to yourself like this. I hope you wouldn't. Okay, ah reward yourself. Yes, okay, uh! These are some of my vices ice cream.
Take out shopping. So obviously, i want to say you know within uh, within everything within uh, you know boundaries that you can set your own boundaries. The reason i want to say reward yourself is: i want you to think now about things that make you feel good and then set up realistic challenges for you for yourself and then give yourself your a reward.
So here's, an example. If you track the imposter syndrome for two weeks, give yourself a reward, come up with a mantra. Give yourself a reward. I'm. Not you know. I don't want to compare us to dogs or animals, but think about when you're training, a dog right, you're, going to give it treats, and this work, doesn't feel great doesn't feel great because it's, going to uncover a lot of stuff for you, um deep-seated stuff that maybe is triggering the imposter syndrome.
So what are ways that you can inject some kind of positivity in this experience and then do what's called experiment and vulnerability. This is something i i write about in the book. It's, a woman that i interviewed and she looked at working on imposter syndrome, almost as if she was working out at the gym - and this was a muscle that she was developing and for her.
You know the experiment and vulnerability. She would say: okay at a meeting i'm gonna speak up. I'm gonna force myself to speak up um. I'm gonna share my story with somebody else, because she had felt so isolated and you know when you don & # 39.
T speak up about something. That means you probably have shame around it and when you have shame, if anybody's, read bernie brown or glenn and doyle right that's where things foster and fester. Okay, so she started to share her story and even just doing that, you know releasing the shame.
All of a sudden, just life became lighter, and she became a source of comfort for other people. That's. The thing whenever you share what you're going through, if you're concerned that maybe you're. Being i don't know, quote a burden, think about how you're now, allowing the other person to feel comfortable to share themselves right.
Think about how you are now uh, allowing that other person to not also have shape, because you set the example. So please remember you're, not burdening anybody! You're, not complaining right! You're, sharing your life experience because you also want to be closer to them and that's good for them too, and that's.
You know a bit similar, but a little bit different here to finding a confidant um who can give you perspective and help remind you of your strengths. I have somebody on speed dial. She's, my imposter syndrome, friend right when we text each other and say i'm, going down the rabbit hole and then i don't know.
She sends me like a joke like a meme or something like ridiculous right, that that's, the way we're. You know accountability partners, basically and then do what i call a brag book. Anybody who took the salary negotiation class that i taught with indeed you know what i'm talking about.
I think this is just so beyond helpful in life, but also, if you are looking to position yourself for a promotion, a raise if you were interviewing somewhere. This is what you want. I want you to do. Go through your email.
Go through your inbox. Go find the emails where people compliment you any email, any compliment. Take a screenshot go put it in a folder on your desktop or keep track of it somewhere. I love doing this for two reasons: one.
It is instant perspective because chances are. You are way harder on yourself than anybody else is uh. Also, maybe you don't know what you're good at. Maybe you don't, feel confident in your accomplishments.
Okay, give perspective to somebody else. That could be good also just makes you feel good um, the next part about it, and this is where it's good for negotiation right and job hunting. You're, going to use these like their testimonials right.
It's not like take my word for it, but it's. Like hey client, john client, john said i did a good job in this specific way. I do want to backtrack for a second, because i've said a little bit of a contradictory thing.
Here is earlier. I said i want you to really separate your accomplishments kind of output from who you are and how you feel about yourself. Now i'm, saying: go! Listen to somebody else telling you you did well it's, keeping them in check it's, recognizing that we don't want to build our identity and our self-esteem, based on how other people perceive us or receive us That being said to get out of your head, you need somebody else, also talking to you here, and this is a great thing to do.
I look at it when i am having a down day um the next thing here - and this goes back to what i mentioned earlier about this woman - that i know who tracked her uh her imposter syndrome and found that actually kept coming up in certain scenarios at Work uh be careful about that environment is so so huge um.
I think it has probably your environment. I'm curious. How often you have found your? I guess. You know company satisfaction, or maybe you & # 39. Ve left your job. How much of it was actually the job and how much of it was the environment, meaning your manager right or your colleagues? What's going on here, and is this something that you can deal with? I teach a whole other class on office politics.
So we're, not going to get into that, although i am happy to answer some questions at the end um, but this is where you're, going to have basically a list of to-do's. Is there a conversation that i need to have with my manager about better communication um? Do i need to make the pitch to my supervisor about creating some kind of you know employee resource group, because i see that that's, going to foster an environment where people can connect - and you know have solidarity, so do know that in the Exploration of the imposter syndrome, you may find yourself with a whole other list of to-do's uh, but that's good, because this is growth and if you were not growing, you were not living right so embrace this stuff.
Please embrace it here's, the great news and before i really like, dug into indeed i would always say to people you know: do your research, good luck, google, it! Now i can tell you indeed.com companies, you could actually dig into these companies and see what their values are and it's data driven.
That being said, if you are looking at a company right, you're, considering either applying or you've applied. I definitely want you to reach out to somebody there, somebody in your department, maybe somebody who used to have your role um.
I'm curious to hear from them. How would they describe the company culture? Part of the reason i want you to do. That is because it'll. Give you a heads up of. Is this a place that you can thrive in all right, not just survive, but you can thrive and then the other part is when you do go into interview.
You can use those words you can say here. Are the values i've understood them right here's, the company culture. You know, as i've, understood it and then reflect back to them here's. How i've lived my life according to those values, so i know that's.
A little bit of an aside, um but point being here is just do as much research as you can. This is again. Social experiment got ta, get data watching your words, words matter words matter. I would love for you to tell me what is wrong with these words could should must have to always never i'm, like i love acting those out okay.
So the issue with these words is first of all they sound like you're, trying to discipline yourself right, i could have. I should have you must you have to always never? Okay. The other problem with these words is that none of them are in the present they are all about reflecting in the past or projecting into the future.
I could have done this right. Well, that's the past. I should have done this past. Moving forward, i must do this. I have to do this right, the problem with living in the past living in the past in the future.
If we were together, we would all say this out loud. You can't, do anything about it. When you are not in the present, you are paralyzed and that's. Where the spiraling comes in you're in the moment, you can actually experience what's really going on when you are deeply in the present.
Um start a meditation practice. I'm going. You know off on a tangent here a little bit, but really you know just google. How can i practice being present or being in the moment? I have found that tracking, looking at a picture of myself and learning how to be present as possibly the three most helpful things for me in combating imposter syndrome.
So a way to you know stay in the present is when you are feeling the negative self-talk when all of those symptoms of imposter syndrome are coming up. Ask yourself these questions. Is this thought process helping me? If so, how? If not, why? Oh look guys, i'm missing a question mark there.
You go there's. My one mess up, i'm human, and now my challenge is to not obsess over it afterwards question is there anything that i can do right now? What's, a realistic plan for the future, always ask yourself why too anytime? You have a feeling, or you're, doing that negative self-talk.
Why, then, you give yourself an answer: why give yourself an answer right? Think about being a little kid here's, the thing when you keep questioning yourself it'll force you to really dig into. Hopefully what becomes the core of the issue because then you can.
Actually, you know deal with the core uh and not just all the noise around. So let's. Do this let's, reframe it uh! Let's! Think about you know. I should never be late. Okay, i prefer to be on time how about that um.
I should never let anyone down. Well, i'd, like to help out as much as i can. If you're, having trouble reframing this in a positive kind of active way, this is where i want you to find that that confidant, that buddy work with somebody to say is there a way that i can spin this.
I need to turn this around um and don't just say to yourself be quiet. This goes back to what i said. I think at the beginning, where you know don't judge the judgment um. What i you know, the the other reason to be careful with this kind of language um.
Is it's? Just you're, just stuck right again. You keep spiraling because there's, nothing you can do and if you make the words active, it will give you a next step. The other word that i want to just focus on here is: whenever you say i am okay, that's, your identity, it's, a statement on your identity.
I am bad at my job um. I feel bad at my job. Please try to replace anytime you that you say i am, could you try to replace it with? I feel this way. Um advocate for yourself all right. So now we're in a place where we & # 39.
Ve got our imposter syndrome under control. We know that it is probably going to be a life long journey here, but that's. Okay, because we & # 39. Ve got some tools to deal with it um, but now you have to advocate for yourself because it's, not just good enough to show up and feel good.
You have to really kind of leverage uh, the feeling good into. Am i being recognized and rewarded for it and you don't. Wait, you go ahead and you take command of this. So first it's. Thinking about um! Your wins! Your wins, and if you're somebody who has imposter syndrome - and you know you're thinking - you're, not good enough, smart enough right.
That means you're hard on yourself, which means you might actually have difficulty figuring out what your wins are and what your accomplishments are. So let me see if i can challenge you to rethink it a little bit or to think maybe creatively about it obstacles you overcame so any kind of challenge.
It could also be a life challenge, because i want you to see. You know your resilience here and your resourcefulness obstacles um anytime, you took initiative when you went above and beyond um things that you're, proud of.
So when you talk about your wins and i'm gonna just put this as an example of you know, you it's up for promotion time. It's. Your annual review um. When you talk about the things that you're, proud of or excited about, you're, effectively raising your hand to them, and you're saying i want to do more of this.
I want to do more of this. So you better talk about the things that you actually want to do. More of, for example, let's say you created some kind of system of um communication between your team and it made everybody more productive right.
This is a great example, and you hated doing it. It was tedious. It was awful. Please do not bring that up, because they will ask you to do more of that. Um also talking about things that you're, really excited to talk about that's when your your energy is going to come through, and you know people want to be around positive, energetic people.
I also want you to think beyond. Just your skills here i want you to really reflect on who are you not to get too existential about this? But you know what makes you you um. This is kind of the eq right, emotional intelligence, um.
I call it. You know the in between the lines um a few examples here, and you know you're gonna go ahead and google your own stuff. By the way, the academic term, i think for super powers is inalienable powers which i guess, if i'd use that then we could have had a little cartoon of an alien missed opportunity.
We should have done that um superpowers here are some examples. Enthusiastic, are you an enthusiastic person positive? Are you a leader, detail, oriented creative team builder empathetic, thoughtful one that i did not include here, but that is equally as important patient.
I probably did not put that because i am not patient okay. My question is: do you know what these are right? Do you know what these are and a lot of people do and i've, also taught a lot of people who haven't um.
There was one small group that i did where i challenged everybody to come up with kind of what makes you you um. How do you impact other people, and there was one person who just like could not come up with it, and this was a bunch of co-workers and her co-worker said you don't mind.
I'd, like to tell you and she proceeds to tell her what she thinks her superpowers are, and this woman just started bawling, because it was in that moment that she realized how disconnected she was from her actual self right that she was completely Living in this world of judgment and that the reality you know was that other people saw her in a beautiful way, so that was when i said you should maybe see a therapist here.
Great start, um so point is: if you're having a little bit of difficulty coming up with this stuff, um think about who can help you with it um by the way uh. One thing i want to just mention off of superpowers when you um, when you're trying to reflect on it.
I would challenge you to think about what comes most naturally to you. What feels effortless and here's, something a lot of us do, and this was a game changer. For me, a lot of us equate work with hard work.
So if something wasn't difficult, it wasn't working. No no, this is when we tend to go down a path that's actually not meant for us, because we assume that things should be really hard. I think there's, a difference between something being challenging and something being almost feeling like you're, a round head in a square hole or the other way around whatever that cliche is right and you know what it is you instinctually Know when things don't feel right when you're, doing something or going down a path or you're working for a company or you're in a relationship with somebody who's.
Not right for you, your instinct kicks in. Please everybody. Listen to that instinct! That's, the first step, then you got ta figure out what to do so. If something comes, naturally you, you probably take it for granted, and this is where finding somebody else who can give you perspective question i'd like to ask them is um.
How do you experience me? How do you experience me and then you ask yourself um what feels effortless to me? What makes me come alive come alive, that's. Also, where you're gonna find a lot of the imposter syndrome goes away.
If you start leaning into these strengths, if you start going down a you know path or in a direction where things feel natural to you, where your instinct is saying, yes, yes, you are doing what you were supposed to do.
Your purpose is aligned. You're, not going to feel impostor syndrome as much you're still going to feel it right. Maya angelou still felt imposter syndrome and she was probably doing what she was put on the earth to do anyway.
So i do want to make that clear, but this is when again it's, not just how you feel, but it's in the situation you're in the other thing i want to say here is with um Your superpowers, it's, good to know them for yourself, but also i'd.
Love you to articulate them. So when you do have conversations with your manager um you're pitching yourself, for you know you're having an interview or it's. A review time talk about these superpowers in a way that demonstrates the impact of them, so it's.
Not just i'm, an enthusiastic person, because that sounds weird. Okay, i'm, an enthusiastic person and here's. How i've, seen my enthusiasm impact the team. It's, kept morale up, you know, and with morale being high, they're more dedicated when they're more dedicated, they're, more productive, being more productive, makes us move faster and guess what moving faster Means saved time and what is time, money? Okay, that was a weird tangent i didn't mean to if i sounded kind of strange, i'm, just trying to show you that there's, a whole process of taking what you do, who you are and then Walking somebody through how it makes you excellent don't undermine yourself.
Don't undermine yourself again, words matter. Maybe that should have been the subtitle of this words matter. What's wrong? With these words? I actually have a question. I just think i'm no expert in this, but all right.
We know why that one's, not good. Does this make sense? This may be a stupid question, but um like okay. By the way, i say i'm all the time, so that's, fine just be aware: um, we're humans. Okay, here's, the issue it's, caveatting yourself, it's like you're hedging.
I actually have a question. I just think i mean here we go. Do you have a question? Do you think it or not? I have a question, i think don't under and i undermine yourself. I'm no expert in this, but um you might be also who says you have to be an expert unless you're, you know dr fauci, or something like it's.
Okay, to just be a human, that's, learning and doing your best, something that's very important. Not to do anymore is ending your sentences with. Does that make sense? Because why don't you? Let them tell you if it didn't make sense, and that's, where we have to start feeling comfortable with silence and not inserting yourself when they're silenced to not immediately have that impostor syndrome going they're.
Judging me, they're, probably judging themselves guys. You were the most important person in your life, which means they're, the most important person in their life, and they probably have imposter syndrome too.
All right. So let's. Watch those words. Uh gmail has a kind of fun plug-in here. I think it might be a chrome plug-in it's, just not sorry um. I thought it was sorry, not sorry, but either way it's. Gon na tell you every time you write an email, and you say sorry: it's.
Gon na call you out on it, because you probably should really only apologize when you've messed up like if you & # 39, ve been a jerk go ahead um, but i am curious. How often in emails that you send is the first line i'm.
Sorry, sorry that it's. Taken me so long to get back to you. It was probably a day by the way it probably wasn't that long, let's reframe. It thanks for your patience, thanks for your patience. Another reason why that's, and this is going to make kind of a larger point for me here is: whenever you're, trying to take away a behavior, maybe try to replace it with a new behavior, because you'Re used to doing a thing you're used to anything, so even something like um like maybe replacing that with a pause.
I was about to say right, um, okay, so see when you can replace something, also notice by the way. With all of this apologizing, how often do you walk down the hall and you pass somebody and you're, not even close to them, but you say: oh, i'm.
Sorry i mean, i guess we're, not doing that now, because we're, not really going out much, but you know we were back at the office. I i realized. I started doing that and people were like way down the hall and somehow i'm apologizing to them and the time that i was once on the subway and i apologized to a pole.
That was when i decided i'm, going to tackle my imposter syndrome. I'm, going to tackle all the times that i make myself small, because that's, ridiculous! Let's! Talk about presenting with confidence right because we're feeling good.
We've, got the tools to combat the imposter syndrome. We're able to articulate our wins. Okay. All of this is super helpful. In order to be recognized right and be rewarded, now i'm gonna put you in a scenario where you got some pressure.
I've got some pressure; okay. So let's. Think about meetings, since that, since not everybody's, giving an indeed presentation to 3000 people that's, some pressure, but even just three people in a meeting that's, a lot of pressure uh! So first, this is something i also talk about in my negotiation class, because when you're negotiating, that obviously is a pressure cooker of a situation.
Imagine yourself, like you, are in a movie. You're, the main character because we root for the main character. Usually right. You're, the main character and we watch this main character and, first of all, you're, probably gonna feel a sense of endearment to that character again because we're hardest on ourselves.
So if you're now the main character you've got some distance. What you realize, when you & # 39, re watching this movie with this character, whatever the experiences that they have, they're, going to present uh or they're negotiating their salary if they mess up.
If it doesn & # 39. T go the way that they wanted it to whatever happens you as the movie viewer, you recognize that it's just one scene. It is a scene that will lead to the next scene that will lead to the next scene.
You also look at it. You go that had to happen for that character, to learn that had to happen for that character, to discover they don't want to work there anymore. Okay, that had to happen for that character to meet the love of their life.
I mean whatever it is, and so you start to see these things in perspective, and then we have to let go so. This is, this is huge and i i maybe alluded to it a little bit earlier. This has also been game changing for me, anytime, that i'm in a situation where i am going to be presenting to somebody else or somebody else's.
Input is going to be part of my experience, so you know and it could be um. I'm gonna just give the example here now this presentation i used to think to myself. My success is only if people like the presentation, i almost didn't even care how it went for me.
It was all about if i got good feedback by the way, any feedback i get. Obviously you know some. They're, usually quite good. There's, always people who are so negative and i've, had to learn to just let it roll off my back and how to not let it kind of trigger that imposter syndrome.
Okay, but the letting go part is saying: success has nothing to do with them because they might be having a bad day. They may happen to know this information already they may not. Like me, i used to be obsessed with trying to be liked.
I've, let that go so the letting go part is saying my experience is going to be what i make it to be, and then i challenge myself. What am i going to learn today if i can walk away with one piece of learning about myself, then that is success because doing that, then i know i'm going to improve it's too fickle to hope that somebody else Enjoys it that's, also taking back some control and then focusing so before you go into again a scenario that can trigger imposter syndrome performance meeting, whatever it is, focus on a word focus on a visual.
What is the word that you want to appear as, and you have to pick just one, because i know we want to appear confident and fill in a bunch of other words right lots of things. I want to appear calm. Well, i didn't.
Do a good job of that today, so today i wanted to appear high energy. I wanted to bring a lot of energy for you guys and then i visualized. What does energy look like and for me it wasn't. So much what do? I look like because then i started to judge myself right.
We look in the mirror and we tend to judge ourselves so instead light, you know this energy. For me, all of a sudden i had a bright light. So before i came in here, i really sat with myself and i said i want to channel energy and i just thought of this bright light, and hopefully i brought it and then taking up space.
So again, in person in a meeting i would say, sit in the middle of the table because everybody's, then forced to look at you uh in a zoom room. We don't have that but frame yourself right. I did. You know i really made sure that i was like in the frame i wasn't too close or too far, and i use my hands so gesticulate.
That brings the energy people will pay attention to you, moths, like butterflies, right or moths to a light. You be the light, and this is where the kind of faking it till you make it um. Actually, i'm, not a huge fan of that expression, because then sometimes you can feel the imposter syndrome.
I'm faking. It i'm faking it so i would really just say how do i want to bring energy to this? How do i want to appear in this situation, and really imagine yourself like that? Um and people will emulate bill emily.
They want to be like you and after all of this think about everything that you learned. If you really stay focused on this in your life in your career, that's, how you chart your progress? It's, always by what you learn and stay focused on that, and i mean no pain, no gain.
I'm going to keep using cliches. If you're, not learning anything. You've outgrown the situation. So, in a way, you kind of want to be um, you kind of want to embrace imposter syndrome, because if you feel like you & # 39, ve always done it before or that you're as good as you get.
Then you haven & # 39. T put your you know. You haven't pushed yourself outside your comfort zone. So just like writing my book. I was an imposter. I'd, never written the book before, but what i got good at was dealing with it.
I was dealing with it. Um so obviously keep keep working on this. I think that's.